What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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