shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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