My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
try to milk me bitch
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
