you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
