He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My feet surprised me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
