Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize