but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
