I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
