hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
