There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
