Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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