i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
