Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
