I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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