it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
