put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
