well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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