If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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