That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
