Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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