i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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