She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
