I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize