The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
