Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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