you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
