i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
