i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
