I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
