i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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