Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
