dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Alive.
So much puke
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
