fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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