But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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