The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
