We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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