I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
