Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Holy sore nipples Batman
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
