I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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