so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
