i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
