I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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