apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
