There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
