Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
