He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
