So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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