what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
