my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
