Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize