I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
