i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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