Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
