i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
