You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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