oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
