I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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