I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
