cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
