i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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