I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
