what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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