Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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