pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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