I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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