Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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