all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
