Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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