So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
