There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
