Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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