Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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