also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize