"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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