Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
