i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
