Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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