i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
