I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
