Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize