sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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