Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
