I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
