I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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