Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
