Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A bitchslap is in order.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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