Is it because I queefed?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i've created a new STD.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
