He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
last night I used snow as a chaser
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize