I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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