Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize