On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think your dad took our porno
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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