dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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