god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
