I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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