I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
