Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize