CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
