I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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