I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
