Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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