So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
